The Impact of Having Children on Your Sex Life
We all know that having kids brings incredible joy, but let's be real – it also throws our sex lives a serious curveball. Suddenly, we find ourselves daydreaming about getting to bed… for rest instead of for you know what…
Let’s talk about sex, baby! Let's face it, life after having children is like trying to perform a magic trick while wearing a superhero cape and keeping a straight face. Parenthood is an absolute circus that involves juggling kids, maintaining a home, living with a packed schedule, all while trying to squeeze in "sexy time." Some days it all feels impossible. It's no secret that intimacy takes a hit when those adorable little monsters enter our worlds. Everything seems to change – some for the better, others for the worse. Some argue that it's perfectly fine for intimacy to take a backseat because, hey, we've got bigger priorities now. Others believe that keeping the fire alive is key in maintaining a thriving relationship amidst the chaos of raising kids. So, let's explore both sides of the debate, and figure out if it's time to dust off that sexy lingerie or embrace the joy of binge-watching Netflix in our dirty pajamas. Get ready super-mamas because we're about to dive into the battle between passion VS. pajamas post-kids!
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Side A: Intimacy goes down after having kids, and there’s nothing wrong with that – you have bigger priorities now.
Having children is a MAJOR life change that comes with a multitude of responsibilities and challenges. It's natural for intimacy to take a backseat as we focus on nurturing and taking care of our children.
Raising children requires significant time and energy. It’s normal to be exhausted from the demands of parenting, which leaves little energy for anything else… let alone being intimate. It's important to prioritize rest and self-care in the little free time we get, to maintain overall well-being. And if that means skipping sex to get a decent night’s rest, then so be it.
Parenthood comes with a natural shift in priorities. The needs of children, like feeding, bathing, and supporting become top priorities. It’s no longer about our needs, but the needs of the little humans we are raising. It’s okay to put our needs on the back burner to prioritize theirs.
Emotional and physical changes that occur during and after pregnancy can severely impact how we feel about intimacy. Hormones, body image issues, and fatigue are common challenges faced by us parents, especially mothers. If I’m not feeling sexy, I’m not going to want to have sex. Period.
Postpartum depression is real and valid for both parents, there are so many mental health issues that hinder parents’ abilities and desires to have sex. The solution isn’t as simple as “have more sex”.
The definition of “intimacy” simply changes after children – I would way rather you help with taking out the garbage and making dinner than having consistent sex.
This change in lifestyle is just temporary. Kids will grow up eventually… time flies and it’s important to spend quality time with our kids now while we can. It’s short-term pain for long-term gain.
Side B: Intimacy is important in a relationship and partnership – you should continue to prioritize it even after having kids.
Intimacy is a crucial aspect of a healthy and fulfilling relationship, it brings couples closer emotionally and physically. Just because you have children doesn't mean that intimacy should take a backseat or be neglected.
Prioritizing intimacy after having kids helps maintain a sense of closeness and keeps the spark alive in the relationship. It allows couples to reconnect and nurture their romantic bond, the bond that was there well before children came into the picture and will hopefully be there well after. It’s important to prioritize yourselves as individuals and as partners, with or without children.
You know what they say, an orgasm a day keeps the doctor away. Intimacy can provide stress relief and act as a rejuvenating factor for tired and overwhelmed parents. Engaging in physical intimacy releases endorphins, promotes relaxation, and can help alleviate the daily pressures associated with raising children.
Not only does intimacy help alleviate stress, but it also helps with self-esteem, feeling sexy and feeling like your partner wants you is a great feeling. Parents still deserve to feel those feelings, even after having kids.
Demonstrating a healthy model of love and affection in front of your children can have long-lasting positive effects on their understanding of relationships. Seeing parents prioritize intimacy and prioritize each other teaches children the importance of maintaining emotional and physical connections within a partnership.
We are all human beings and individuals, it is important to have a life and identity outside of having children… our kids will be gone one day, we need to make sure we prioritize ourselves when possible… waiting until the kids move out of the house is too late.
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Want to go deeper? ;)
The Impact of Having Children on Your Sex Life – BlueHeart
How to Reconnect with Your Partner After Having Kids – The New York Times
8 Tricks for Having More Sex After Kids – Parents
10 Expert-Approved Tips for Having a Great Sex Life After Kids – Motherly
It’s Not Just You – Some New Parents Stop Having Sex for Years – Huffpost
Sexless Marriage – Today’s Parent
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